Michael Kelly

Content not suitable for under-18s
Some pieces contain vulgarity and the occasional swear-word


Ulrich's book has been republished by Dover in the US. Some of my own stash of copies of the original are also still available.


MY NEW BOOK IS AVAILABLE. Click here to buy

My other book

Ulrich Haarburste's book

Also, I may be publishing one or two even newer and much stranger books next year


I am currently available for hire to do almost anything, up to and including murder and chicken-sodomy.


The Lost Art of Seduction

Why I Love Victor Mature's Eyelids

How To Be Calm

A Bad Kid


Where I Went for My Holidays

Bio Hazard

A Rare Find

Station XXX

Blood Thirsty

Bible Studies

Online Support Groups

Online Sperm Bank

Some Obscure Saints

Pass Notes

The Detectives' Exchange Scheme

French Intellectuals in Afghanistan

Dear Clarissa

Can We Smoke On Planes Now?

Was ist das 'Go'?

New Humanist Pieces

Your Questions Answered

Rogue Mail

How to Avoid Christmas

Gene Genie

Pour le Cinephiles

Slash Fiction Archive

Interview Archive

Love Birds

Breaking News

Strange Meeting

The City on the Edge of Tomorrow

Around the Galleries



Klotilda: A Fragment

How to Talk Foolish

Fire Brand

Test your Lateral Thinking


Spy Kid


Film Fun


Just Gotta Dance

Second Delivery

How To Sabotage Your Page Ranking

Darkness Risible

Just Found This

Is More

Next Act


Journal of Distraction

Classical Stalker

Rights and Wrongs

Wardrobe Malfunction

Treacher Teacher

Jack Boots

Is Sequel

Doomsday Book

That's Gotta Hurt

Sooty and Sweep Macbeth

In Memoriam

The Martyrdom of Larry Grayson

Deleted Scene from 'Godawful Life'

Around the Forums

Bum Notes

Here Comes the Happy Bus

A Christmas Ghost Story

A Small But Dispiriting Incident




Pour les Bande-Dessinéastes

Chinese Junk

Get a Grip

CRU Files

Grievance Poetry

Slob Poetry

The Little Worm


Fanciful Fiction Romances

Clara and Miles Radio Script

The 237 New Genders


A Good Year For Neurosis

Cache '22

How Every Film Starts

The Saddest Story

The Rude Word History Of The World

More Scribble

About Me

Lumber Room


Picture Credits

Ulrich Haarburste

Sample the rest of the delights of
Art of Europe, my kind new hosts

E-mail me (michaelhoratiokelly@yahoo.co.uk)

All material © me
All material written by me
Do not copy without permission