KELLY TOASTERS Ltd.
We sell toasters
OUR VISION
We envisage continuing to sell toasters
until our dicks drop off with boredom.
Then we might start on frying pans
OUR AMBITION
Is to sell so many toasters we can
afford to spend the rest of our lives
on a beach surrounded by whores
OUR COMMITMENT
Send us the money and we'll send you
a toaster right away, or as soon as
the rain stops and we can get to the post office
OUR PLEDGE TO YOU
We promise our toasters will make your bread
hot and crunchy and are very unlikely to
explode and blow your fucking face off.
Further than that we will not go.
Our Products
TOASTER
It's a toaster
RED TOASTER
It's a toaster with red on
SUPER DELUXE
EXECUTIVE BREAD GENIE
Less a kitchen appliance than a way of life.
Featuring multi-platform compatibility with all
major wheat-based foodstuffs, this revolutionary
upheaval in culinary equipment will lightly
frot your bread to a state of burnished NO,
IT'S A FUCKING TOASTER, YOU CUNT
They cost ten quid
NOW BUY A TOASTER OR FUCK OFF
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